


'Property of Derek Hale' Maybe?

by jacktbfh



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: 3 o'clock am ideas, 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Cake, F/M, Fluff, Funny, Funny Stiles, Future Fic, Humor, I rewrote this so many times, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pack, Pack Family, Pack Feels, Romantic Comedy, The Hale Pack - Freeform, Wedding Fluff, Wedding Planning, Weddings, lots of fluff, stiles is actually sarcastic af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 08:53:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4515678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacktbfh/pseuds/jacktbfh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And really, Stiles can’t stand to not be staring at him, so he turns back around and joins him in his fit of laughter. Because yeah, it is a little funny, even if he did have to introduce himself as ‘Stiles Stilinski, fiance of Derek Hale, who isn’t actually here’ for the entire week leading up to the wedding after the cake incident.</p><p>*</p><p>Or: The 5 times people made the mistake of calling someone other than Derek Stiles' fiance and the one time they didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'Property of Derek Hale' Maybe?

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in like, August, and then reread it in February (2016) and actually hated it so I rewrote it again. I think it's better than it was? I hope so. 
> 
> Also, it's like 2 am and there are probably typos I missed, so kindly just point them out if you find them. Thanks!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this fic? It's just a bunch of wedding fluff because I'm a sucker for cheesy vows and wedding planning. So enjoy!

_V. December 31st_

 

 

“Hi!” Stiles calls happily, as Lydia holds the door to the post office open for him. He walks through it, with the cardboard box full of his wedding invitations perched on his hip, and heads straight towards the front desk. There’s an elderly lady behind it, and her nametag reads ‘Cathy’ so Stiles decides that she can’t be too bad and smiles.

“Hello.” Cathy replies, and immediately pulls the box towards her once Stiles has heaved it up onto the counter. “What do you have for me today?”

“Wedding invitations. There’s about 250 of them in there that we need to send out.”

“Big wedding.” Catchy smiles. Stiles nods, agreeing because _heck yeah_ it’s a big wedding. He still can’t actually believe that he and Derek _know_ that many people, let alone are close enough to them to invite them to their wedding. He supposes that that’s mainly due to the fact that Derek’s mother insisted they invite the entirety of their extended family, though, so…

“Yeah, it is.” Stiles pauses, and watches as Cathy dumps the whole box of invitations onto the counter. He makes sure that none of them fall, because that happened to Scott and Kira and it resulted in Melissa not showing up on time.

It was horrible for everyone and he really hopes that it doesn’t happen to him and Derek.

“So, when’s the big day?” Cathy asks then, while she counts out all of the invitations. She glances between Stiles and Lydia and smirks, and Stiles doesn’t really know why so he just shrugs and turns back to her to answer.

“May 27th. We wanted a spring wedding, but we didn’t want the weather to be an issue so we opted for early-summer/late-spring.”

“Oh, good idea.” Cathy finishes counting the envelopes, and piles them all into another cardboard box. She sets it on something metal and pushes a few buttons, and Stiles realizes she’s weighing them. “I had a winter wedding. Middle of December. I was freezing the entire time, and the bottom of my dress was all gross because of snow sledge. We got married in Boston, so the weather was horrible.”

“No, I don’t think a winter wedding really suits us.” Stiles laughs, thinking about Derek trying to trudge through the snow while carrying Stiles down the aisle.

Not that he’s expecting Derek to carry him or anything.

“You two are smart.” Cathy pushes another few buttons, and then turns to Lydia. “So, how long have you two known each other?”

“About 15 years.” Lydia says, and then smirks. Stiles scrunches up his eyebrows, scowls a little bit at her, and then _realizes_. “But we’re not getting married. I’m just here to make sure he actually gets the invitations sent out because his fiance doesn’t trust him.”

“Hey!” Stiles protests, but laughs anyways. “But it’s true. Lydia is just my good friend. I’m actually, uh, marrying a dude.”

“Oh!” Cathy says, and she sounds so startled that Stiles feels a little bad. “My apologies, I’m sorry. How long have you known your fiance, then? What’s his name?”

Stiles smiles then; he loves talking about Derek.

“His name’s Derek. We’ve known each other for what, 9 ish years? I met him when I was a sophomore in high school through a mutual friend. We didn’t realize we actually liked each other until after I graduated high school, though.”

He can’t really tell the werewolf story, but close enough.

“That’s sweet! Was he in your classes, or something?”

“Oh, ah, no.” Stiles laughs nervously, and then sighs. “He’s actually 6 years older than me, which is why we never talked about our feelings until I was 18.”

“It’s like a romance movie.” Cathy looks at Stiles dreamingly, and he’s a little uncomfortable, but he goes with it. At least she hadn’t freaked out like the floral lady had.

“Yeah.” Stiles agrees, because it kind of is. Erica said if there was a book written about him and Derek, it’d be a best seller. He can’t really argue with that.

“Well, these are all set to go. It’s going to cost $36 though, for shipping fees.”

“Not a problem.” Lydia says, before Stiles can even think of a reply. She pulls out her wallet and hands over her credit card, and Stiles wants to argue, but he never wins against her so he just steps back and sulks. 

His entire wedding is going to be paid for by the Whittemore’s and he doesn’t know how to feel about it.

“I’ll have you sign this receipt.” Cathy hands the receipt to Lydia, after swiping her credit card, and then sets the credit card back down on the counter. Lydia signs the paper before putting her wallet back into her purse, and then turns to Stiles. 

“Thank you.” Stiles says, and smiles at Cathy. She waves him off though, and stuffs the signed receipt into her cash register.

“Oh, you’re welcome dear. Congratulations on your engagement!” She grins widely at the two of them, and all Stiles can really do is wave and smile back before Lydia drags him out of the small shop.

Once the door closes behind them, though, Lydia breaks out into laughter. All Stiles can really do is glare at her.

“You should have seen your face when she thought we were getting married.” she chokes out, nearly gasping. “I can’t wait to tell Derek.”

“We’re not going to tell Derek, because he’s still jealous of the fact that I liked you longer than I’ve liked him.”

“By, like, a year. Maybe.” Lydia calms down, and wipes away a stray tear. Stiles thinks it’s a little dramatic and rolls his eyes.

“He’s borderline possessive.” he says, and then smirks. “I like it though. When we’re in bed and he-”

“Okay!” Lydia grabs his arm, and pulls him over to her overly fancy car. “I don’t want to know. Get in, we have to go pick up color swatches for the cloth that’s going to cover the chairs.”

Stiles wasn’t even aware that they were going to have chairs that needed cloth coverings, but Lydia’s now demanded it so he goes with it. He doesn’t try to argue with her when it comes to anything wedding related. He just says what he wants, and she gets it done. Not much he can complain about.

He decides that it’d probably be a nightmare having to marry _her_ , though. _Thank fuck he’s gay_.

 

 

 

*||*

  
  
  


 

 _IV. February 12th_  

 

 

“It looks like a trash bag.”

“Stiles!”

Stiles shrugs, and turns towards a very-pregnant Allison. “What? It does!”

Allison sighs, and directs her attention towards Kira. “Kira, it doesn’t look like a trash bag. You look lovely.”

Kira though, who’s practically laughing, clearly gets the message so she trudges back to her dressing room and locks herself in. Allison huffs from besides Stiles, where they’re stationed on the couch, and throws a pillow at his head.

“You literally haven’t liked anything.”

“Neither have you.”

“I liked the first one Erica tried on.”

Stiles snorts, and tosses the pillow back to Allison. It hits her baby bump,  _ which is fucking huge _ , and she stares at him for a few seconds before throwing the pillow to the side and crossing her arms.

“You mean after she shoved her entire boob into it in front of the entire store? Yes, it was lovely. Totally something I should have showcased in my wedding.”

Allison rolls her eyes, but smiles fondly at Stiles. Stiles smiles back, and then turns back to then viewing stage.

“Maybe they should just go naked.”

“By they, you’re also including me, and  _ no _ . We’ll find something, I promise.” Allison says. Stiles doesn’t really believe her, they’ve been looking for going on three hours, but whatever. They can always go to  _ Macy’s _ .

“Look, see, here comes Cora. I bet this one is pretty.”

Stiles disagrees, because Cora once suggested he and Derek wear track suits for the ceremony, but he gives her the benefit of the doubt.

Which is clearly a mistake, because she walks out of her dressing room in something so hideous that Stiles almost gags.

“Turn around. Turn around right now and go take that floor mat off.” The thing is velvet and green and Stiles doesn’t even know why the store  _ carries _ it.

“Stiles!” Allison scolds again, but Stiles ignores her. He’s got a tragedy to deal with.

“I like it.” Cora very obviously does not, because she’s smirking, and Stiles sighs. He hangs his head down, so that it’s resting in his hands, and groans.

“It looks very...90’s.” the dress attendant offers, and  _ finally _ she’s appeared once again. Stiles can’t do this by himself anymore, especially because Allison is too nice to tell anyone they have awful tastes in fashion.

“I swear to God, if that thing is not gone by the time I lift my head, I’m walking out of here.”

“Fine, I’m going.” he hears Cora grumble, and then the sound of someone walking away. He sighs and sits back up, and practically pouts at the dress attendant.

“Lydia is due to come out next. I think you’ll like her pick.” she offers, smiling softly. She then turns to Allison, who now looks just as pained as Stiles. 

_ Serves her right _ .

“So, when are you due?”

Allison looks up from the floor, and beams up at the lady. Stiles smiles at the sight;  _ he loves his pregnant friends _ .

“Two weeks, actually. I’m having twins and I can’t wait; I want to be able to fit into my dress for the wedding.”

“Understandable.” the lady, Kim, grins. “They’re going to be beautiful, especially if you two are the parents.”

Stiles very nearly chokes at that, and he’s pretty sure Allison does the same because she looks vaguely scandalized. She has to blink a few times before she turns to Stiles, looking for a way out.

“Oh, um, I’m not the father.” he manages, and  _ fuck _ , wrong words. 

“Oh, my apologies! I just assumed, since you two are getting married and all…”

Stiles kind of hates his life, maybe just a little bit. He bites his lip, and luckily Allison answers this time.

“I’m not the bride.”

“Oh!”

“My bride- Wait, no, he’s not a bride. My fiance, his name’s Derek, he’s with all of the groomsmen. They’re trying on their outfits.” Stiles babbles. By the end of it all his face is bright red and Allison looks so embarrassed, and he kind of wants to dig a hole into the couch and never come out of it.

“I am so sorry. Congratulations to you and your fiance.” Kim stands up from the end of the couch, and looks around awkwardly. “I’m going to go check on Lydia.” 

“Kay.” Stiles squeaks, freaking  _ squeaks _ , and once Kim is gone he buries his head back into his hands.

“That could have gone worse.”

“That could not have gone worse.” Stiles shoots his head up to glare at Allison.

“You’re right.” she agrees, and then smirks. “I can’t believe you called Derek a bride.”

“I know.”

“I mean, if anything, you’d be the bride.”

Stiles can’t really argue with that; he’s shopping for brides(grooms?)maids dresses. He throws another pillow at Allison anyways, though.

They sit there for a few more minutes after that, both patiently waiting for Lydia and Kim to emerge from the dressing rooms. In all honestly, Stiles is totally over the whole shopping-for-clothing aspect of wedding planning, so he decides that if Lydia’s choice isn’t something that resembles that of a Victorian era ball gown, he’ll go with it.

It’s a blessing, however, when Lydia walks out in a dress that almost perfectly matches what Stiles had been picturing in his head.

“You’re a saint, Lydia, a saint.” he gushes when he sees it, after she’s turned around a few times on the stage. She looks gorgeous and Stiles is fairly positive the dress will fit over  _ both _ Erica’s boobs  _ and _ Kira’s petite shoulders, so he’s happy.

“I like this one.” he eventually says to Kim, and Kim looks so relieved that she immediately goes to pull different sizes off of the racks for the other girls to try on. She needs their measurements, so that they’ll be tailored by the wedding, so Stiles doesn’t hold her back when she basically runs away.

“Send a picture to Derek before you completely decided.” Allison suggests, and for once, she says something helpful. So Stiles pulls out his phone and snaps a picture of Lydia, and then pulls up Derek’s message thread and starts typing.

**> this is the only one i’ve seen that i like. thoughts?**

He presses send and Derek’s never been much of a texter, so it’s almost a miracle when he responds not even a minute later.

**yeah it’s nice. go with that one. <**

Stiles sighs, thankful that this part of the planning is finally over with. He smiles as he begins typing again, feeling like a weight has been lifting off of his shoulder.

**> we’re done here then. how’s everything going over there?**

**we’re done. getting food now. you can meet up with us when you’re done, we’re at the diner. <**

**btw, bride? really? <**

Stiles doesn’t even get a chance to reply before the second message pops up, and the minute he reads it he turns to glare at Allison. Allison, who’s silently laughing into her hand while she clutches her phone.

“I hate you.”

“You love me.”

“He’s never going to let me live that down.”

“None of us will.”

Stiles groans, and flops his head back against the couch cushions.

His friends are kind of awful.

 

 

 

*||*

  
  
  


 

_ III. March 3rd _

 

 

“I swear to God, Daniel, if that picture shows up in our wedding video I will have you removed from the premises for the remainder of the night.” 

“I think you look  _ dashing _ .”

“I look bald.”

Stiles looks down at the picture Danny has pulled up on his laptop, the one of Stiles and Derek when Stiles still had his buzzcut. He looks terrible, embarrassingly terrible, and he might actually kill himself if other people see it.

“Where did you even get that? Derek and I hated each other until, like, senior year.” Stiles asks, frowning when Danny scrolls to another picture that’s almost exactly the same as the last, just with the two of them in another pose. He still looks bald, and he still hates it, so he just rolls his eyes and goes back to twirling around his coffee.

“Erica said she took most of these when you and Derek were, and I quote, ‘being sexually frustrated with each other.’”

“Of course.” Stiles mumbles, and then takes a deep breath. “Well, just don’t choose any from that group. I look like a child and Derek looks like a pedophile, and my extended family members from Poland are coming and they already think Derek deflowered me, which he did, but still. It’ll be awkward.”

“Okay.” Danny replies back, laughing as he scrolls through a couple more pictures. Stiles doesn’t really watch him, for the most part; he’s too preoccupied with the foam on the top of his coffee.

He doesn’t actually know why they need a reception video. All of the pictures he and Derek have together either have Derek with his face in his neck, or Derek with contacts in, and neither of them are very photogenic (that’s a lie, Derek’s extremely photogenic, he’s just not cooperative) so Stiles thinks it’s kind of pointless. Erica insisted though, said it wouldn’t be a wedding without one, and Stiles is a people pleaser, so here he is. He just hopes he can talk Danny into making it short.

“Stilinski!” a voice breaks him of his thoughts, and Stiles’ head immediately shoots up. He peers around the small coffee shop they’re in, while Danny looks at him questioningly, until his eyes land on a familiar face.

“Ella!” he beams, and grins when she walks over to their table. She’s a new teacher at their school, transferred in over winter break, and Stiles kind of loves her.

“Hey!” she says, and slides in besides Stiles. Stiles gives her a side hug before he scooches over, allowing them both to have more room.

“How are you?” he asks, and he practically forgets Danny, but then Ella eyes him and smirks in Stiles’ direction.

“Mad that you missed this morning’s staff meeting. I was left all alone.”

“Sorry.” Stiles shrugs, and then points to Danny. “Wedding planning.”

“Ah.” Ella smirks again, and leans forward on her elbows, which are placed on top of the table. “You know, I’ve never met Derek. It’s like you’re trying to hide him away from me. I can understand why though, people probably try to steal him away from you all the time.”

“Uh, I mean, not really? Pretty much everyone knows he’s unpleasant towards everyone but me. And you haven’t met him yet because you’re always busy when I invite you to happy hour.”

“Really? This man is unpleasant? His dimples alone could probably seduce a straight man.”

Stiles knits his eyebrows together, because people don’t usually comment of Derek’s small dimples, but then he gets it and feels kind of stupid because Ella is  _ literally _ pointing right at Danny.

“Oh!” Stiles laughs, and looks up to Danny. Danny’s face is bright red, and he looks like he’s sputtering. It’s humorous.

“This isn’t Derek! This is my friend Danny, he’s putting our reception video together. Derek’s at home, probably still sleeping.”

“Oh! My bad, I totally thought you were banging this hot piece of ass.” Ella smiles at Danny this time, and Stiles didn’t think Danny could get any redder but he does. He’ll make sure to tell the entire pack about it.

“Nah, Danny is just a good friend of mine.” Stiles pauses, and pulls Danny’s laptop towards him. He brings up a recent picture of him and Derek, one where he doesn’t look like he’s 12 and Derek is actually smiling, and turns it towards Ella.

“This is Derek.” 

“Holy  _ shit _ .” Ella looks up at Danny, and her eyes widen. “I mean, you’re hot, 10/10 would bang, but  _ holy shit _ .”

“You know what, I’m going to go use the restroom.” Danny mumbles, more to himself than Stiles or Ella, and then stands up from his side of the booth. He’s gone before Stiles can even apologize for his filterless friend.

Stiles should feel bad, but he just thinks it’s kind of hilarious.

“Love you Stiles, you’re one of the only people I’ve met and actually liked since moving here, but I really didn’t expect you to bag a guy like this. Did you pay him?”

“No.” Stiles laughs, and he isn’t even mad because sometimes he still wonders if Derek’s playing a trick on him. He definitely doesn’t match up to him appearance-wise.

“I’ll be able to meet him at the wedding, right? You’ll introduce me to him? I need to ask him his secret, because someone that attractive shouldn’t be exist.”

“Yes, you’ll be able to meet him.”

“Good.” Ella pauses, and passes the laptop back to Stiles. “I can’t promise that I won’t attack his face, though.”

Stiles just laughs, again, but he honestly wouldn’t put it past her. He’ll just have to put Boyd on Ella-duty for the night.

 

 

 

*||*

 

 

 

_ II. April _ 7th

 

 

Stiles stares down at the plate in front of him. It’s full of fish, and some weird sauce thing that he doesn’t even want to try. 

“This is grilled halibut, with peach and pepper salsa. We’ve gotten great reviews on it in the past, it’s a wedding favorite.”

Stiles doesn’t try it, but he does glance over at both Scott and Laura when they take their respective bites. Laura looks like she enjoys it, for the most part; Scott scrunches his nose up in obvious disgust.

“It’s good, Stiles, but I don’t think it’d go over well with the guests.” Laura turns to Scott, who nods along in agreement. That settles it then: no fish at the Stilinski-Hale wedding.

“That’s fine. We have more options, if you’d like me to bring them out.” The chef looks tired, like he’s annoyed with Stiles’ stubbornness, and usually Stiles would make some snarky comment because of it but he’s actually exhausted and his stomach hurts from all the food he’s tasted so he doesn’t.

“No, it’s fine.” Stiles sighs, and leans back in his chair.

“We can always do a taco bar. They’re becoming popular party crowds, and most everybody is pleased with the options. We can do all kinds of meets.”

If Stiles made taco shells, a spoonful of meat, lettuce and shredded cheese as the main course for his wedding, he’d have an angry pack of werewolves at his hands. Which would include his fiance (husband at that point, but whatever) and  _ no thank you _ .

“Do you have any barbeque options? Like, not grilled chicken or steak, but, like, pulled pork? Maybe ribs?” Scott asks then, and Stiles is thankful because he was about to tell the chef to just go away.

“We can do that, it’s just not very typical for weddings.” Stiles and Derek’s wedding is not typical, and Stiles likes the idea, so he considers it.

“That actually sounds good. Like a cook out. Oh, can we do burgers and hot dogs too? Maybe brats?”

The chef looks horrified, but he nods and stands up from his chair anyways.

“We can. I’ll go back and print out some paperwork for you to sign, if you’re sure that’s what you want.”

Stiles looks to Scott, who’s smiling and nodding, and then to Laura, who looks annoyed but isn’t saying anything, so he turns back to the chef and nods. The chef just huffs and heads back into his office, muttering things that Stiles can’t hear but are probably phrases about how psychotic he is because Scott’s laughing.

“Derek might actually have a stroke. You don’t do  _ barbeque _ for a wedding, Stiles.” Laura says, once the door is completely shut behind the chef. Stiles just turns to her and shrugs, because what’s done is done.

“No, I think Derek will be fine with it. It’s Lydia who’ll have a heart attack.”

“We’re all wearing white dresses, Stiles.”

“Don’t drip.”

Scott cackles, and earns himself a slap on the arm. Laura just scowls, in a way that’s so Hale that it reminds Stiles of Derek, and then pulls out her phone.

“I’m texting my mother. She’ll probably demand the wedding to be called off.”

“You should have said something. You’re here as the honorary Hale, since the groom can’t be here.” He’s at a territory meeting with Boyd, but Stiles can’t say that because there are supernaturally-virgin ears.

“You wouldn’t have changed your mind.”

“You’re right. I’m excited. Burgers make me happy.”

Laura looks between Scott and Stiles, who are both grinning, and shakes her head.

“My brother is marrying an actual 12 year old.”

Stiles just shrugs, and he’s about to say something else, but the door to the chef’s office opens up and he walks back up. He places a stack of papers in front of Stiles and Laura, and then points to them.

“I need the bride and groom to sign here, here, and here.”

Stiles immediately picks up a pen, starts signing the papers, but then realizes what the chef’s said and looks up at him.

“Oh, I’m not marrying her. She’s my fiance's sister. My fiance is in Oregon on a business trip.”

He’s used to this now, so he just finishes what he has to say and looks back down to the papers. He signs the last few lines and then closes the packet, before sliding it back over to the chef.

“Oh. Sorry.” The chef takes the papers, and shuffles them in his hands. “The papers do need a second signature, though. Just for confirmation.”

Stile sighs, and slides the papers past Laura and towards Scott. He bypasses Laura because if she puts her name down, she gets a say in what is going to be delivered, and he doesn’t want something weird like caviar showing up at his wedding.

“Should I put Scott Stilinski?” Scott asks, once he’s uncapped the pen and has pressed it against the paper.

“If you do, I’ll wash your suit in wolfsbane before you have to wear it.” Stiles replies. The chef looks a little terrified, respectively so, and Laura just sighs, so Stiles smirks and hands his pen back to the chef.

Scott does put ‘Scott Stilinski-McCall’, though, as if that’s any better, and Stiles would be annoyed except the chef rolls his eyes so hard he almost beats out Lydia for hardest-eye-roll of the century.

And instead of correcting it, the chef just clears his throat and says goodbye, and then walks quickly back to his office.

It takes all Stiles has in him not to laugh, especially because Scott can hear every little bad thing the chef is saying about them and is reciting it back to Stiles.

 

 

 

*||*

 

 

 

_ I. May 19th _

 

 

“It’s fitting.” 

“If you tell me, Isaac Lahey, that the rainbow cake is ‘fitting’ because we’re two dudes getting married, I will take said rainbow cake and shove it up your ass.”

Isaac doesn’t say another word, and Stiles, pleased, turns back to their cake lady, Sarah. She’s just sitting there with her lips pursed, obviously trying not to laugh, and Stiles smirks.

“Well, anyways. We have this lemon cake, it’s pretty popular among wedding planners.” She places a piece each in front of Stiles, Scott and Isaac, and hands them all knew forks.

Derek doesn’t get a piece, because he’s not much a sweets person, but also because he announced before arriving that he’s trying to lose weight before the wedding. Stiles immediately called a load of bullshit on that, because Derek’s a brick wall, but Stiles couldn’t just have him and Scott there to taste, they needed an unbiased tiebreaker, so they called in Isaac.

Stiles is now regretting that decision, though, for obvious reasons. At least this lemon cake he’s currently eating is good enough to take his mind off of Lahey.

“It’s good, I really like it.” Stiles says, once he’s washed his bite down with a drink of water. “I don’t think we should make the entire cake lemon flavored, but definitely the top layer and maybe some cupcakes.” He turns towards Derek, waiting for his input, but the werewolf just shrugs so Stiles just rolls his eyes (fondly) and turns back to Sarah.

They’re given at least 7 more pieces of cake after that, all of which Stiles either hates or loves. There’s no middle ground, which makes it easier, but then again both Stiles and Scott ‘love’ four of the cakes so it doesn’t exactly narrow their options down by a lot. They all, Scott, Stiles and Isaac, eventually decided on flavors for the middle and bottom layer though, so before Stiles really even knows it Sarah is going over their final order with them.

“So you want lemon for the top layer, oreo for the middle, and red velvet for the bottom? And the cupcakes a mixture of the three?” Stiles nods, as do the other two, and Derek only looks mildly horrified so Stiles considers it a win. Sarah writes down the order and then stands up from her chair, taking as many plates and forks with her as she can.

“Alright! I’ll start getting this processed. Our cake decorator is going to meet you next, to go over the details.” She barely gets the sentence out before the back door is opening, and a man is walking in with a sketch pad and a pencil. Stiles figures that this guy is probably the cake decorate, and smiles at him.

“Speaking of the cake decorator, this is Jake.” Sarah introduces him to everyone, and as Jake is shaking everyone’s hands, she escapes through the back door.

Stiles figures she needs time to process through their weird-as-fuck cake.

“So, I was told that this cake was going to feed about 250 people, but that’s it. What were we thinking for designs?”

Nobody says anything in response, but that’s mainly because Isaac’s already drawn out the design (he’s oddly artistic, who would have known?) and is pulling it out of his bag. He hands it over to Jake, who looks it over carefully before turning back to the group of them.

“This is neat. I like the tree aspect, and the little figurines on top.” They’re of Stiles and Derek, but Derek’s in his wolf form so Jake probably doesn’t get it.  _ Oh well _ .

“The only other thing we wanted were the initials carved into the cake like how they would be on a real tree.” Isaac explains, pointing to where he had imagined them. Jake nods and jots the idea down, penciling out a design quickly. 

“Okay.” He looks up from the paper, and turns towards Stiles. “You’re Stiles, right? You made the appointment?” Stiles nods, and Jake writes an ‘S’ down on the paper. “And what’s your name?” He turns to Isaac, and waits patiently with his pencil ready on the paper.

“Huh?” Isaac asks, and knits his eyebrows together. “Um, Isaac.”

“He’s not the other groom.” Stiles pipes up, before Jake can write an ‘I’ next to the ‘S’. “This is the other groom.” He points to Derek, who’s face is bright red.

_ Ah yes, Stiles is the only one used to this by now _ .

“His name is Derek. We want ‘S. S.-H. and D. S.-H.’ for the carvings.”

“Right, sorry.” Jake mumbles, and sketches the letters down. He then looks up and beams at Stiles and Derek, looking a little apologetic.

“Is there anything else you guys wanted?”

“No, I think that’s all.” Derek says, speaking for the first time since the cakes had been taken away. Stiles smiles and moves his thumb over Derek’s finger, from where their hands are tangled together on the table.

He’s not really sure how Jake missed it.

“Okay. I’ll take these up and get a quota for you, and then I’ll be back with the total price.”

Jake stands up from the table, and hastily makes his way out of the room before anyone else can really say anything. Stiles snorts as he goes, because the guy is clearly embarrassed.

“Jeesh, Stiles, you’re marrying the entire pack.”

Stiles turns towards Scott, and scowls at his best friend.

“We need to get you a shirt that say ‘Property of Derek Hale’, or something like that. Maybe ‘These Are Just My Friends I’m Not Actually Marrying Them’.”

“Funny, Scott.” Stiles replies sarcastically, though it is a little funny. And maybe just a tad bit necessary.

He’s just glad that the wedding is only a week away. Soon people are going to start assuming he’s marrying his dad, or something weird like that, because he’s running out of friends to be hypothetical partners. 

It’s tragic in its own, really, and he just hopes he can survive the embarrassment up until May 27th.

  
  
  


 

*||*

  
  
  


 

_ \+ I. May 27th _

 

 

“ _ It’s ruined _ .” Stiles screeches, tears falling fast as he stares into the mirror. “The wedding is fucking  _ ruined _ !” 

“No it’s not! We can fix this, Stiles! Just let me go get Lydia!”

“My  _ eyebrow _ is  _ gone _ !”

“Only half of it!”

Stiles wails again, collapsing down onto the couch in a fit. He can’t stop crying, and his hair's all messed up, and right about now he really just wants to call off the wedding and run away to a foreign country.

He can’t do that though, because right as he’s about to tear his uncomfortable clothes off and run down the hallway, Lydia approaches with a horrified look on her face.

“What happened?!”

“Erica fucking pulled my eyebrow off!”

“He had a unibrow! I was trying to fix it and he moved right as I pulled the wax off!” Erica turns to Stiles, and glares. “This isn’t my fault!”

“It’s fucking gone!” And Stiles is back to crying now, burying his face into a pillow while he sobs about the loss of his body hair.

“Sit up, Stilinski! Pull it together! You’re getting married in 30 minutes and I will not have you walk down that aisle looking like a clown.” Lydia yanks him off of the couch by his shirt, and before he can protest, shoves him down into a hard backed chair. She plops a bag down next to him, he supposes it’s her makeup bag, and takes out a few tubes of things he doesn’t know the name of.

“If you move, so help me God…” She starts applying something to his face, and doesn’t say another word as she works her magic on his missing eyebrow.

In the end, it doesn’t look too bad. It’s obviously fake, can be seen from across the room, but at least there’s something there. It even matches the color of his other one, which Lydia had to touch up because ‘they’ll look different’, and overall Stiles isn’t as upset.

His eyes are still bloodshot-red though, and his shirt has snot stains on it, so he’s a bit of a mess.

“Someone go tell Derek I can’t do it. I look ridiculous.” Stiles chokes out, sniffling while Scott attempts to pat his hair down. Allison has a damp cloth in her hand and is rubbing the snot stains out of his shirt, while trying to calm him down with soothing words.

It’s not working, clearly. 

“No. You’re doing this. We’ve all put way too much effort into this wedding for you to back out now. Derek’s not going to care what you look like. The only reason we’re trying to fix your image is because the photographer takes hi-definition pictures and I doubt you’ll want to look back in 20 years and see stains on your shirt.”

Lydia glares at him, with her hands on her hips. Stiles groans. She has a point.

“I’m going to have stains regardless because we have to be out there in 5 minutes and my shirt’s wet.” Stiles points down to his undershirt, where there are blotches of water that Allison’s been trying to dry with a hair dryer. His vest will cover it, but still. It’s sticking to him.

Scott is the one to sigh, and step up in front of Stiles. He places his hands on Stiles’ shoulders, and takes a deep breath.

“You’re getting married, dude. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. You look fine, you can’t even tell that your eyebrow is gone. Your shirt looks fine and your hair looks fine. Derek won’t care anyways, because he’s stupidly in love with you and he’d probably still marry you if you walked out in your underwear.”

“We’re going out there and you’re going to say your cheesy vows you already read me and then you’re going to kiss Derek and then we’re going to the reception and we’re going to party and everything will go back to normal because you guys already act married and out of all of us, you’re the two that are probably the most made for each other. You’ll be fine, everything will be fine, you just have to get out there and to the altar.”

Stiles blinks at Scott, and then surges forward and wraps him in a hug. Scott hugs him back, probably tighter than he needs to, and then releases him when Lydia clears her throat.

“Put your shoes on, and then let’s go get married.”

So Stiles does just that, slips his dress shoes on and then follows Scott out of their dressing room without glancing back in the mirror. Lydia and Erica follow after him, and then they meet up with everyone outside of the chapel area. Derek isn’t there, because he’s already at the altar, but Stiles watches as all of his friends pair up and get into formation. He stays towards the back, and when he spots his dad, beelines it to him.

“Hey.” he manages, smiling when his dad notices. The Sheriff smiles back, and goes to hug his son, but then he stops and stares at Stiles’ face.

“Are you wearing makeup?”

“Please don’t talk about it.” And then Stiles dips in and hugs his dad, holding him close for the last time as a semi-single man.

The beginning of the ceremony goes off without a hit, and it’s a miracle that Stiles manages to make it down the aisle without falling or embarrassing himself at all. That’s probably because he stares straight at Derek the entire time, though, but you can’t really fault him.

He misses his dad giving him away entirely, and instead beams at Derek when he finally makes it down to him. Derek takes his hands, probably blocks out Deaton and the Sheriff too, and then when they’re signalled they both step up to the altar.

After that it’s all just a blur for Stiles, because he spends the entire time staring straight into Derek’s eyes. They’re red rimmed, which  _ fuck _ , but as bright as ever, and Stiles finds himself getting lost in them as the time drags on.

It isn’t until Scott nudges him in the back, that he breaks his trance.

“Huh?” he says, and looks up to Deaton. Deaton just huffs and smiles, before announcing, apparently  _ again _ , that it’s time for their vows. Stiles nods, mildly embarrassed, and then turns towards Derek.

“I wrote these down but they’re stupid so I think I’m just going to wing it.” Scott was right, his vows  _ were _ cheesy. So, scrapping that idea.

“In theory, we’re polar opposites. If people talk to you before 10:00 am, it’s like WW3 has happened, while I can’t hardly stand waking up any later than 8:00. You work out religiously every morning, and I’d rather drown myself than be caught anywhere near a treadmill. You don’t even like sweet things, which is weird might I add, because I think I actually have a medical condition where I get headaches if I don’t eat something sugary every day. And you’re old and pass out after sex, while I’m like a hyperactive bunny rabbit.”

The Sheriff groans in the front row, and sinks down in his chair.  _ At least the rest of the crowd laughs _ .

“But for some reason, we work. I don’t know why and I don’t really think anyone else knows why, because we get weird looks everywhere we go, but I’ve known you for 9 years and I can tell you I’ve never been so sure about something in my life.” Stiles pauses, and smirks up at his very-soon-to-be-husband.

“I thought I was sure about Lydia-” he points a thumb backwards, because he knows Lydia’s behind him, “-but I’m so glad I chose you. Mainly because I’m gay as hell, and her lady parts scare me, but still. You’re actually perfect.”

His father groans again, looks pleadingly at Stiles, and Stiles laughs. He can even hear Lydia quietly scolding him in the background.

“Point is, I don’t think there’s really anyone else out there who’s more made for me. It’s weird because I never thought I could have this, have someone like you, but here I am marrying my best friend and I couldn’t be any happier. I never really believed in soulmates, because that’s cheesy, but I think you’re mine. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, Derek Hale, I really can’t.”

Stiles wants to say more, he can talk about his love for Derek for forever, but his dad looks horrified and his great grandmother from Poland looks like she’s passed out in the second row, so he sighs and turns back to Derek.

“So I guess I just promise to be the best husband that I can be. I will love you in sickness and in health, from this day forward, until death do us apart and all that jazz, or at least until you become a Yankees fans. Because then I don’t really think I could stand you.”

Stiles finishes up, and turns to Deaton. “I’m done.” he says, and as the crowd erupts into laughter, he turns back to face Derek. Derek’s eyes are red rimmed again, though, so he basically blocks out every other being in the room.

“Thank you, Stiles.” Deaton chuckles a bit, and turns to Derek. “Derek? Your vows?”

“Mine are really bad compared to that.” Derek mumbles, and Stiles grins because he’s pretty sure only he and the werewolves heard that. Probably not even Deaton. Their fingers are tangled together, though, so he presses his thumb into Derek’s hand and smiles.

“From the moment I met you, I knew you were special. You were so quirky and different and  _ young _ , and it was weird back then, but I’m glad we got our…” Derek trails off, his eyebrows knitting together. “...stuff together, because I really, really love you. You’re my best friend, and you’ve helped me through so much, I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

Stiles doesn’t realize he’s crying until Derek’s detanlges their fingers and brings his thumb up to wipe the tears off of his cheeks.

“I keep falling in love with you, over and over again, and I still can’t really believe that I get to marry you. I never allowed myself to think that I’d get this, but I’m so glad I got myself together because you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“And I promise to keep falling in love with you, each and every day. You’re like a cupcake in a salad, and that sounded so much better in my head…”

Stiles can’t really hold it back, so he lets out a bark of laughter while he simultaneously chokes out a sob. It’s even worse when he looks past Derek, briefly, and notices that Jackson is wiping tears away from his face.

“Okay, I need to be done.” Derek sighs and Stiles kind of just wants to wrap him up and hide him away for forever because he’s adorable. “I just love you a lot and I can’t wait to finally be your husband.”

“Oh my  _ God _ , I love you.” Stiles manages, and he can’t help the new stream of tears that fall from his eyes. And if  _ Jackson _ crying was bad, he looks down and sees that his  _ dad _ is crying, and well, he’s done for.

“Beautiful, Derek.” Deaton says, once the crowd has died down from laughing. “If I could have the rings?”

Stiles wipes at his eyes, once he’s detached his hands from Derek’s, and takes a shaky breath. He turns around and faces Scott (his eyes are red too,  _ fuck _ ), and holds his palm out for the rings. Scott only fumbles them a few times before he gets them into Stiles’ hand, and it takes all Stiles has not to laugh at his best friend while he turns back around.

He hands the rings to Deaton, who in turn hands one to Derek, and then takes a deep breath.

“Alright, Derek, if you could repeat after me. I, Derek Hale--”

“I, Derek Hale--”

“--give you, Stiles Stilinski--”

“--give you, Stiles Stilinski--”

“--this ring--”

“--this ring--”

“--as an eternal symbol of my love--”

“--as an eternal symbol of my love--”

“--and commitment--”

“--and commitment--”

“--to you.”

“--to you.” Derek finishes, and then takes Stiles hand and pushes the ring onto his finger. Stiles grins, clutching Derek’s hand when he’s done.

“Okay.” Deaton turns to Stiles, and hands him his ring. “I, Stiles Stilinski--”

“I, Stiles Stilinski, give you, Derek Hale, this ring as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you.

“Alright then.” Deaton chuckles and turns back to his book. Stiles just grins and slides the ring onto Derek’s finger, trying extremely hard not to blush because  _ no, he definitely did not memorize the entire thing before today _ . 

“Well, Derek and Stiles, by the power vested in me by the State of California, I now pronounce you husband and husband! You may now kiss!”

Stiles doesn’t even wait for Deaton to finish the sentence before he pulls Derek faces down towards him and places his lips on his. It’s one of their more passionate kisses, but before gets too heated, Derek pulls away and grins down at Stiles. He rests his forehead on his, and brings his hand up to Stiles’ cheek so that he can rub circles around his jawline.

“We’re married.” he mumbles, oblivious to the world around them. Stiles nods and smiles.

“We’re married.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“By the way, are you wearing makeup?”

And Stiles can’t even find it within himself to be mad anymore, because he knows they’ll just look back on this and laugh, so he pulls away and grabs Derek’s hand from where it’s placed on his cheek. He holds their hands up in the air, and then brings them back down, and then practically skips down the altar steps before making his way down the aisle .

_ Because he’s fucking married _ .

 

 

 

*||*

  
  
  


 

The reception, much to Stiles’ surprise, doesn’t go horrible wrong. The decorations are all beautiful, which Stiles makes sure to tell Lydia at  _ least _ seven times, and nobody really gets themselves hurt nor do either Stiles or Derek embarrass themselves. It’s a fun night, and even though Stiles had been freaking out before the wedding, he allows himself to let loose. 

The food is probably the highlight of the night, and even though Stiles tries to not be smug about it, he is. He even manages to rub it in Laura’s face, especially because he kids compliment him on his choice of ribs. It’s hilarious and while his dad asks him if he’s okay in the head when they bring all of the food out, nobody complains.

The cake is also a hit, but Stiles already knew that even before it was made. He is thoroughly pleased by the detail though, and the cake all tastes amazing, and if he cries a little when they first cut into it, well, he’ll just blame it on wedding hormones.

They don’t have a bouquet to throw, obviously, and Stiles and Derek didn’t want to do traditional things anyways, but Talia does manage to get them to throw their boutonnieres back after cake has been served and eaten. It turns out to be hilarious though, because Aiden catches Derek’s and Cora catches Stiles’ and they’re both kind of adorable about it.

Well, Stiles had assumed they were, but then Kira and Erica found the two of them making out in the photo booth, so it wasn’t so adorable anymore. Especially because Derek went ballistic and Stiles had to calm him down with trashy rap songs and inappropriate dancing in front of his father.

Their first dance as a couple, though, goes better, and Stiles isn’t actually horrified when he realizes the entire reception party is watching them. They’re not good, by a long shot, but apparently it’s ‘cute’ and Derek whispers into Stiles’ ear the entire time so he’ll take it. Even though Scott sobs and Kira has to take his drunken ass to the bathroom.

When he gets back though, the music cuts off, and Stiles knew that this was coming but he still groans and pulls Derek over to their table slowly.

“Can I have everyone’s attention please!” Scott takes the DJ’s microphone, and half of his sentence isn’t heard, but he hops up onto a table anyways and clanks a glass. 

Stiles groans again and rests his head on Derek’s shoulder. 

“I’ve know Stiles for a very long time. We’re best friends.”  _ God, he’s so drunk _ , Stiles thinks, and idly wonders why he agreed to wolfsbane spiked alcohol.

“I always thought he’d marry Lydia because he was obsessed with her.” Stiles hates Scott. “But he instead married Derek and sometimes I don’t know how to feel about that.” 

“I didn’t really like Derek when I first met him. He was bossy and always pushed me and Stiles around. But you could tell he totally had a hard on for Stiles since like, day one.”

All Stiles can really do is send a prayer up to whoever’s listening, asks them to  _ please get Scott the hell down _ . The crowd laughs though, so he figures he won’t have much luck.

“I’ve grown to like Derek, though. He’s nice to everyone now and he really loves Stiles. You can tell because he’s blushing right now.”

Scott points to Derek and Stiles is actually incredibly surprised by the color that’s overtaking his  _ husband’s _ cheeks. It’s like, actual-tomato red.

“So I just want to say that I’m very happy for you two. You’re like me and Kira, except you’re both dudes. Which is okay. I’m glad, because you were made for each other. They probably used the same blueprint.”

“Alright, Scotty!” Someone cuts Scott off and takes the microphone away, and Stiles is actually incredibly grateful when he sees Isaac’s face.

“Thank you, for that.” Isaac mumbles into the microphone, while he shoves Scott down to where Boyd is ready to catch him. Boyd drags him back over to his spot next to Stiles, but Scott is too occupied with Kira to notice the almost-glare his best friend is giving him.

“My speech won’t be as...colorfully put as McCall’s was, but I’m Derek’s best man so I feel like I have to say something.” Isaac begins; Stiles instantly likes his speech better.

“I’ve known Derek since high school. He’s like an older brother to me, and when I say I don’t know where’d I be without him, I mean it. He took me in when no one else wanted me, and he made sure I had food and clothes and was cared for, and I’ll forever be grateful for it. He’s such a great person, and I’m glad he found Stilinski. It’s a little weird seeing someone you consider an older brother marrying someone from your graduating class, but I wouldn’t rather have it be anyone else.”

“You two are perfect for each other, and I’d just like to say that no matter what you think, you’re never getting rid of any of us.” Isaac holds his glass up, and beams at the crowd. “To Derek and Stiles!”

“To Derek and Stiles!” the crowd shouts back, in one big toast. Stiles grins and nuzzles into Derek’s shoulder, content with both the horrific and inspiring speech.

“That could have gone worse.” Derek mumbles, throwing an arm around Stiles’ shoulder and smiling. Stiles nods, and smiles up at him.

“It could have, yeah.” Stiles yawns, and digs down deeper into Derek’s embrace. “I’m exhausted, though.”

“So am I.” Derek admits. “I had fun though.”

“Derek Hale had fun?”

“Derek Stilinski-Hale had fun.”

“Mhm, that’s right. You’re stuck with me now, bitch.” Stiles grins and presses a kiss to Derek’s jaw line.

Derek laughs, and kisses the top of Stiles’ head.

“Wouldn’t rather have it any other way.”

“Me neither.”

“Are you sure? There for awhile, I thought you were going to leave me for Lydia. Or Allison, or Danny, or Isaac, or even my own sister.”

Stiles has no idea how Derek heard about the Danny and Laura stories, but he scowls anyways.

“That’s it, I’m filing for a divorce tomorrow.” Stiles turns away from Derek, playfully, and crosses his arms.

“Okay.” Derek chokes out, practically wheezing from his own joke.

And really, Stiles can’t stand to not be staring at him, so he turns back around and joins him in his fit of laughter. Because yeah, it is a little funny, even if he did have to introduce himself as ‘Stiles Stilinski, fiance of Derek Hale, who isn’t actually here’ for the entire week leading up to the wedding after the cake incident.


End file.
